trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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