I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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