New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
