Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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