he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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