You really coming over, don't trick.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
