I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
