I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
