i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
