SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
