This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Damn victory sex feels great
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
