one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
