You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
