My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
