1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
