Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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