but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
