I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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