you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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