I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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