Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
