She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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