I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
