Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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