so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have post one night stand depression
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
