I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
