isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
