Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
