I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
