Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
