Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
