Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
