she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
