Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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