he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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