New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
