who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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