I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
