My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
