he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
