dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Randomize
