You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
