He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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