did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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