weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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