FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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