wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
