I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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