Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
