it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
